I am what I eat

July 11, 2010 § 5 Comments

Gross

I feel so gross.  Residency finally started and I’m working night float so that means I’m not really eating much because I’ve never been a night eater, right? I thought that when I shifted my sleep schedule that I’d also eat much less  and I’d be busy enough to stave off cravings.  I couldn’t have been further off.  The only accurate part is that I’m not, or at least I didn’t think I was, a nighttime snacker.   Working nights has made me soft, literally.  Some how I’m hungry every hour. I have been trying to stick within my WW points and pack little 4-point almond butter and banana sandwiches, apple, greek yogurt with granola and fruit, and by sticking to my all bran in the AM.  I have even stuck with my eating every three hours rule and have an eating schedule planned out in my head.  None of this is helping.  For some reason I’ve re-developed my love handles and my abdomen looks like something I’ve only come across on maternity units.  My measured weight is actually continuing to decrease while my image in the mirror is NOT what is was when I graduated last month.

I’ve been eating so much more…and not just when I’m at work, it’s mainly when I wake up in the afternoon. I’ve completely let myself go to the point I had TacoBell two times last week while hanging out with the little bad influence Runt-my sister.  I hadn’t touched bad-for-you-nutrient-deplete fast food in months. MONTHS.  Then she introduced me to the crunch wrap supreme. 12 fucking points.  12!!!!! Mind you, this was at 1 a.m. It’s been downhill from there.  I had tiramisu, went to a wedding and had cake and a cannoli, multiple sweet mixed drinks, I’ve even gone back for more TacoBell.

I miss my last few months of people making fun of me for eating so healthfully and for my self-control around desserts/junk at work.  I’ve never had control like that before.  As much as I say I want to get back where I was with my self control i feel like it won’t be as easy this time because i don’t have a particular goal.  Last time it was that I didn’t want my classmates seeing me as a fatty at graduation.  I haven’t been able to find a new short term fitness goal.  I know this is what works best for me.

The only thing I’ve go going for me lately is that I’ve been exercising A LOT lately.  I’ve been doubling up on spin and running; a little speed-junkie I guess.  The only thing I really miss is my hot yoga… and I guess pilates.  I’m pretty sure those were the two things that really helped me tighten up and tone…the only issue is that I can’t afford the Bikram anymore and I have no patience for pilates.  It’s just not what I need these days.  I’ve got to get back into it.

I need some tips and encouragement/motivation ASAP.

happy Eating…. 🙂

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§ 5 Responses to I am what I eat

  • land animal says:

    Don’t feel bad at all. Bad days aren’t anything big at all. I had pizza this week and a cuban sandwich and a bacon wrap etc etc. (Not all at once though! I just had a bad moment on several days! Still not good though, stretching out my junk). I think we have these little slip ups for 2 reasons: 1) we are dieting too much and our bodies are hungry! (I know I can be the queen of over-restricting my eating until I am ravenous, but if you’re exercising a lot your appetite is probably in high gear from that) or 2) I think life is stressful (for you for sure!) and junk is everywhere and looking tasty. Junk food is very satisfying because it is made to be that way! Lots of sugar, salt, fat, refined carbs that hit your stomach and make it go Yay!

    But we are what we eat, so you’re right to remember this. Yes, I do give in to temptation from time to time, but for the most part I am successful at telling myself that I don’t want that pizza or those fries because of what they do to my body and to my appetite. After a few moments of Yay! my stomach is going to be starving again because all that refined food doesn’t fill me up for long and it just becomes a vicious cycle of eating crap and feeling like crap but getting hungry for more, repeat. I don’t want that and I’m sure you don’t either.

    Was any of that encouraging? I hope so! I try but I know sometimes my motivational speeches are totally flat (that’s what some people tell me, haha). Anyways, I send you good thoughts! 🙂

  • msfitmint says:

    Not flat at all. Just reinforcing that little voice of common sense – it happens get over-it voice. thanks for the sympathy! 🙂

  • Skinny Emmie says:

    Hang in there! With your schedule, it’s going to take a TON of willpower to not feel hungry or want to eat all the time. I’m confident you’ll hit a groove and find your rhythm soon. Kudos to you for the extra exercise. We’re here to support you! 🙂

  • You are amazing. One week or two will not define you. You know how hard this is going to be and now you have to really work extra hard. Night shift is so screwy but you will figure it out. My only advice is to not beat yourself up and keep moving forward. Life is good – enjoy it, learn from every day. Don’t beat yourself up for being flawed – hell, we all are flawed – it is what makes us so awesome! Be proud of all that you accomplished – the weight and body image will get better. Just take one day at a time!

    I got your back!! Let’s kick it girl!!

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